life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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