All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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