Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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