just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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