I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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