I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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