It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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