I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
