Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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