:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
