you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
