Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
