I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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