If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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