The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
