Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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