those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
