Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
