just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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