how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
