Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
