I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
