As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
