i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
