Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
