if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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