tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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