Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
