"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
