My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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