dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
