FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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