I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
