I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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