singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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