Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
