non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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