Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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