You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
