I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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