I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize