you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
