i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
