I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
