I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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