What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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