Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize