dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
