You really coming over, don't trick.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
