she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
