this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can I color on your dick again?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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