Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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