But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
