my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
