Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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