I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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