You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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