i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
