I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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