tell your sister to shave her snatch
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
