I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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