Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
