just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
