nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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