Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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