Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
