Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
