the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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