I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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