I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
